Breaking the Cycle: Embracing Empathetic Parenting for a Healthier Connection

Parents and children united -Bold Kids move

Becoming a parent often brings back memories of our own childhood, making us reflect on the way we were raised. I grew up in a home where parenting was more authoritarian—obedience was expected without question, and emotions were rarely discussed. Now, as a parent, I’m making a conscious effort to break away from that style. It’s not always easy, but I’m committed to this journey because I want my children to feel heard, loved, and respected in a way I didn’t always experience as a child.

Changing My Parenting Style: A Deliberate Choice

I’ve decided to move away from an authoritarian approach and adopt a more authoritative and empathetic style of parenting. This involves a lot of self-reflection and the willingness to admit when I’ve made a mistake. Here are some of the changes I’m making:

1. Apologising to My Child

   • As a child, I can’t remember a single time an adult apologised to me. Now, when I make a mistake—whether it’s shouting out of frustration or misunderstanding something—I take the time to say sorry to my child. It’s important for me to show that adults aren’t perfect and that we also need to take responsibility for our actions. This helps build trust and teaches him that it’s okay to be accountable.

2. Explaining My Emotions and Reactions

   • Instead of expecting my child to understand why I might raise my voice or get upset, I make an effort to explain my feelings. I tell him why I felt frustrated or why I shouted, so he knows it’s not his fault but rather about the situation. This not only helps him understand what happened but also gives him the language to express his own emotions.

3. Leading by Example

   • If I’m asking my child to tidy up after himself, I need to be mindful of doing the same. It’s about consistency and showing that the rules apply to everyone, not just to children. This creates a sense of fairness and mutual respect at home.

4. Balancing Toughness with Kindness

   • Don’t get me wrong—I am a strict parent and tough on him because the world can be harsh, and I want him to be able to handle it. But I try to balance this with kindness, love, and affection. I want him to know that while I push him to be resilient, I’m also here to support and comfort him. It’s a delicate balance, but I believe it’s necessary for him to feel secure while preparing him for the real world.

5. Showing Affection and Expressing Love

   • Growing up, affection and verbal expressions of love were rare. I make it a point to tell my child “I love you” frequently and show affection with hugs, kisses, and kind words. This strengthens his sense of security and self-worth, something I hope he carries with him throughout his life.

6. Encouraging Emotional Expression

   • In my childhood, crying or showing emotions was often discouraged. With my child, I let him know it’s okay to cry if he’s hurt or upset, and I encourage him to talk about his feelings. By acknowledging his emotions, I’m teaching him that it’s normal and healthy to express what he feels, and that his voice matters.

Embracing Empathetic Parenting

One of the biggest shifts I’m making is towards empathetic parenting. This approach isn’t about being overly permissive; it’s about seeing the world through my child’s eyes and responding with understanding rather than just authority. By practising empathetic parenting, I’m building a stronger bond with my child, teaching him that his emotions are valid, and creating a home where he feels genuinely heard and valued. It’s about balancing firmness with compassion, which I believe will foster a healthier connection in the long run.

Breaking the Cycle of Unheard Children

My main motivation for making these changes is to break the cycle of children feeling unheard. I want my child to grow up knowing that his feelings are valid, that he is loved unconditionally, and that he has a safe space to express himself. It’s a conscious decision to parent differently, but I believe it will lead to a stronger, healthier relationship with my children.

The Importance of Authoritative Parenting

Research shows that an authoritative parenting style—one that combines structure with warmth—leads to better emotional well-being, higher self-esteem, and improved social skills in children. It’s a style that prioritises respectful communication, sets clear boundaries, and nurtures a positive relationship between parent and child. By making these changes, I’m aiming to create a more harmonious and connected family environment, while giving my children the skills they need to navigate the world with confidence and empathy.

A Message to Fellow Parents

If you’re rethinking the way you were raised and exploring a different approach, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to make mistakes, learn as you go, and choose a new path for your family. The most important thing is to be intentional, open, and willing to grow alongside your children. Together, we can break the cycle and create a new legacy of love, empathy, and understanding.

In the spirit of The Bold Kids motto, “Bold Kids Unite! To save the day!” we, as parents, can unite in our efforts to raise bold, emotionally resilient children who know they are valued and heard.